Realization

I really think teaching is not the career for me. Or maybe it's just my current position. All I know is the apathy and dread I have been mucking through the past two years has suddenly lifted in the past few weeks. I wish I could say it was because having a child has changed me, but honestly, it's because I haven't been at work or thought about work.

I don't feel defeated, depressed, or stuck. I am writing again, taking pictures again, planning things and projects again. Even last summer I didn't feel this good. Partly because I was mired in morning sickness but also partly because I was dreading the upcoming school year for a variety of reasons.

The bad thing is, I don't know what else to do career wise.

What's in a Name

We named J. after our paternal grandfathers and as such, he has a somewhat old fashioned name. Which is great, because I love just about anything old fashioned--especially names. However, it feels a little weird to call a baby a grown man's name. Maybe it's just weird to call him anything because there is something weird about naming a person. I mean, he has no choice in the matter and it stays with him forever. Anyway, the point here is... we don't call him by his name very often. I'd love to say we have some adorable nickname for him, but let me just say the thing we call him most often is "baby." I surely hope we grow out of this before he starts thinking that is his name.

Photography

The way R's schedule works means that every so many weeks, he gets a three day weekend. In the post-baby life I live for these 3 day weekends because it gives me time to sleep, shower, and regain my sanity. This weekend has been delving back into my photography life now that I have a subject who really has no choice in the matter. I feel downright giddy today after taking pictures and spending hours tutoring myself in the ways of photoshop.

Behold, my baby:

Pregnant?

I was surprised, no matter how much I read or prepared, about how much during my pregnancy came as a surprise. And, even when I knew something was coming, I was almost always surprised at the extent of it. And already I'm forgetting what those things were. A month ago my list probably would be doubled, but in the last few weeks post-pregnancy brain has taken over and this is all that's left:

6 Things People Rarely Tell You About Pregnancy

Confessions of an English Major

I HATE Catcher in the Rye. I think it's LAME. Still, the fact that Mr. Salinger has passed away makes takes away a little something when teaching it. My students love when the author is still alive. But, still, the book blows.

Reasons Why My House is a Diasaster

1. My husband was home the past two days.

2. My son did not sleep more than an hour consecutively last night.

3. He has not slept more than 15 minutes since 8:30 this morning.

I'm so tired.

Sleep

Currently, the only way he'll sleep:

Little Hands and Feet

Bodily Fluids

After two weeks:

peed on: check

pooped on: check (this was rather shocking).

puked on: check

First Day

R. is back to work today... as is everyone else I know, so it's just me and the babe on our own for 13+ hours. Currently all the construction keeps waking little J. up enough for him to squeak and then go right back to sleep for a few minutes before the process repeats itself.

A week and a half post-birth, I am still stuck in the surreal land of a) having a baby and b) looking at him and thinking, "you were inside me!"

Challenges for today: Choosing the right time to a) pump, b) go to the bathroom, and c) take a shower without the resulting pitiful newborn cries.