My school had mass this morning, and our president asked us to think of one thing we are thankful for, one miracle, one blessing that we have. Just one, and hold it in our hearts. (Unfortunately, as mass continued I was again reminded of the Catholic church's hypocrisy when it comes to their policies and some archdiocesan political actions). Then, I was watching a soap opera and despite the cheesiness and melodrama, as the character spoke about Thanksgiving, I found myself crying. He discussed the ups and downs of the past year, and despite all of that, despite loss and grief, they were all lucky to be there, together, celebrating the joy of life in spite of the grief.
Sometimes, despite all my many blessings, I find it hard to remember what I have to be happy about or thankful for. My parents impending divorce is never far from my mind--and all the implications it has on our family, our future, my relationship with my father, and my son's relationship with him. My job is soul crushing and I don't think I've had ONE day this year where I sat back and said: yes, this is what I should be doing. Health problems are affecting mine and R's grandparents (and even parents) more and more. The closer I get to the birth of my son, the more I am reminded of how I used to pray every night that my Grandmother would be alive to meet my children...and how she is not here and not only will never meet my children, but never met my husband. There's been stress, loss, grief, and pain.
But, despite all the ups and down, I hold in my heart more than just one thing to be thankful for:
-Baby Beluga, growing and kicking
-My husband, who has been a bright light in my life since the day I met him
-My mother's amazing strength in the light of this shock to our lives
-A house, a job, a family, and hope
